STOP WORRYING - BE CARE FREE

We worry so much about what we should have done, how we look, what others think of us.... In fact, we worry about the past, the present and the future.

Now that is damn exhausting, right?

I've recently found a terrific website called Life Hack.  www.lifehack.org  I urge you to check it out.  I think the post below is very relevant to those of us who struggle with weight.  We often also struggle with our sense of self and a whole lot of guilt about not being perfect.  Mandy Kloppers talks about Caring Less.  I, for one, will be putting some of her sage advice to good use, especially as the silly season approached.  Thanks Mandy.

And what will YOU be caring less about???  Let us all know.

10 Things To Stop Caring About If You Want To Be Happier

NOVEMBER 28 BY MANDY KLOPPERS 

It’s time to care less. Yep, that’s right. Sometimes we take the world on our shoulders, and instead of making the world a better place, all we end up doing is creating more stress for ourselves. Here are simple tips to ease that heavy mental load and feel more carefree.

1. What others think

Dance to your own beat. Act dumb. Do whatever you have to but don’t take on board what others think. It’s your life, your decisions and choices. Others love to judge, and why should you care if they do? Only you define yourself, so let them be amused if it makes them happy. When you care too much about that others will say, you live your life for them and not yourself.

2. Past mistakes

We all make mistakes and mess up in life. That’s just how life goes. Don’t be hard on yourself, though. Accept that everyone gets it wrong sometimes; it’s part of the human condition. You really are allowed to cut yourself some slack. Learn to forgive yourself more often.

3. Failure

The big “F” word that everyone fears. It doesn’t have to be a scary concept, though. Ultimately, it depends on your attitude to failure. If you see failure as not being perfect, you’re going to be permanently miserable. A more realistic idea of failure is giving up. If you haven’t given up, you haven’t failed. See failure as a learning curve, a trial and error process. See failure as your friend – it’s no big deal unless you allow it to be.

4. What you don’t have

The human default position tends to err on the side of lack rather than abundance, which is not conducive to feeling carefree. We focus on what we don’t have and end up feeling thoroughly deprived. What’s the point of that? I often tell my clients to focus on the positives of what they have and the negatives of what they don’t have. Why would you want to torture yourself with all the things you don’t have? That type of thinking will not serve you in any productive way at all. Make a list of all the things in your life that you appreciate. There will always be others with more and others with less. What you have is enough.

5. “What Ifs”

We can drive ourselves crazy worrying about what might happen in the future. No one can predict the future (psychics might dispute this), and there is no point in torturing yourself unnecessarily about things that may never come to pass. Remind yourself that this type of worry is wasted energy and distract yourself. Face worry head on – if you can do something in the present moment, go for it. If not, distract yourself and ‘shelve’ the worries.

6. “I’ll be happy when…” thoughts

When we believe that we will be happy once something has happened, we effectively put our life on hold until the event happens. Wishing your current life is away is a precious waste of happy moments in life. Be in the moment more and care less about being happy in the future. Decide to be happy now. Happiness is not a destination, it is a manner of traveling.

7. Regrets

Regret is a part of life. The past cannot be undone, so it pays to look at what you have done in life philosophically. Did you learn something from it? If you learned never to do it again or to try a different approach, then you’ve ended up with a positive result. Accept what has gone before, make allowances for human error and move on.

8. Rejection

Many of us are so afraid of rejection that we stay in our comfort zones and never risk true intimacy. Wear your heart on your sleeve and risk being vulnerable. The more you hide out of fear, the greater the fear will grow. Show yourself that you can express your feelings and live with the consequences. You will conquer fear of rejection in this way and feel more carefree. Even if the outcome is not as expected, you will soon realize that it wasn’t as bad as you anticipated and that you can deal with it. Be a little more thick skinned, be brave and see life as an adventure.

9. Society’s expectations

Be thin, be beautiful. Show off your wealth and status and then you’ll be adored. What nonsense. When you like and accept yourself as you are, you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone. Don’t buy into the constant media images of perfection. Most of the images are airbrushed and lead us to believe that we should all look as perfect. Try not to take it to heart. We all like to see perfect images, but don’t lose sight of the fact that most of it is digitally enhanced and not natural. Love yourself, imperfections and all. Self acceptance is true freedom.

10. Being good enough

It’s easy to feel that we don’t measure up somehow. We live in a competitive world. It’s okay and even healthy to want to improve and grow as a person. It becomes unhealthy, though, when we internalize negative ideas about how we aren’t good enough. Always challenge this type of thinking. What is “good enough”? Where is the international rule book that clarifies what “good enough” is? As long as you feel happy with who you are, where you are and how far you have come, that is all that matters.

We all worry unnecessarily and create inner misery for ourselves. Remember the above ten points, as they are definitely items you can immediately remove from your worry list. Hopefully you’ll feel a little lighter and a little more carefree too!

We waste so much of our lives caring about unimportant things, foolish things, and unchangeable things.

DO NOT APOLOGISE FOR BEING OVERWEIGHT. That's an order!

I was just reading an interesting article by Kasey Edwards (www.kaseyedwards.com)  from The Age newspaper which illustrated how quickly a person can "fake" before and after photos.

The sentence that resonated with me so very much was this:

Real victory will only come from letting go of the destructive idea that physical transformation — however it is achieved — is the source of moral redemption and self-worth.

When will we come to accept that our value as a human being is not dependent on our appearance?  And we (the chubby, or chubby-thinking people) need to be the first people who recognise this, not the general public.  If we act in a way that says "I'm OK, and I'm working on the assumption that you are too" then we bring out the best in ourselves and other people.  

DO NOT APOLOGISE FOR BEING OVERWEIGHT.  It is not a sin, personality defect or character flaw.  It is most likely the result of an ineffective and unhelpful coping strategy, that's all.

And I want to send a big "shout out" to Kasey's husband for undergoing a chest wax - Chris....man....that's gotta smart!

60 kilos lost - CONGRATULATIONS "Mr Big"

I have a client who will remain anonymous.  We shall refer to him as Mr Big (I could have been more creative but, hey, I'll focus on blog content instead of coming up with a cooler alias!)

And I do mean big. He has been a morbidly obese man for most of his life.   He has had a variety of interesting occupations over the years but during his time as a taxi driver Mr Big was able to eat whenever and whatever he liked by simply driving to the food.  After topping out the scales at 200kg he just kept growing.  Eventually, he had to give up work due to his size.  And then he had to give up going outside because of his size.  And then he had to give up walking around, then sitting as a result of his size.  He has become confined to his flat and only gets out for an occasional hospital admission (also related to his obesity)  Mr Big requires assistance to shower and perform most activities of daily living. 

As an added complication, Mr Big suffers from massive lymphoedema  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lymphedema).  This incredibly large swelling due to lymphatic blockage affects his ability to balance and stand as well as transfer from his bed and walk.  Mr Big spends almost all of his day on his bed, resting on the side not affected by the lymphoedema to reduce the pain.  He has no clothes that fit him at present.

As there are limits to the capacity of scales he is not quite sure what his highest weight was, but it may have been up around 370kg.  (No, that's not a typo.)  

We met about 18 months ago when his social worker contacted me for some specialised counselling in the area of eating, weight and emotions.  Oops, sorry, I forgot:  men don't talk about emotions - just eating and weight!  Our first few meetings (for him I was happy to make house calls) were challenging to say the least.  A lot of resistance (psychologist-speak for a client being bolshy and argumentative) and his declaration that change was up to chance.

But, after a while and another hospital visit, he got it.  That sense that his destiny was up to him. He finally started to focus on the causes of obesity, not just the obesity itself.  And when you start focusing on the causes, you start to realise that this is the best area in which change can be made. 

 "If it is to be - it is up to me"  (quotation from William H Johnsen)

Mr Big, this talented writer, musician (and sometimes cantankerous so-and-so) FINALLY realised that his thinking and behaviour was the main obstacle to his survival and well-being. 

The fantastic new is that nowadays we need to refer to him as Mr "Not So Big".  Over the past year he has lost a WHOPPING 60kg. (No, that's not a typo) The obstacles involved cannot be overstated.  Housebound, on a low income, barely able to move due to lymphoedema, intelligent but bored (and boredom is very strongly linked to emotional or non-hungry eating,) socially isolated, unwilling to ask for help, etc. etc. etc.  

You may wonder to yourself  "what was he eating all those years" - but the real question should be "what was eating him"?  The use of food to control mood is an EXTREMELY common coping strategy.  And we live in an "obesogenic" environment - cheap, fast, processed food is EVERYWHERE and easily accessible - it'll even come to you.

My (metaphorical) hat is off to you, Mr Big.  CONGRATULATIONS! You have turned your life around and you're heading in the right direction after decades of pain and suffering.  

And get this, he is now studying for a bachelors degree - online.  And before the end of the year, I hope to see Mr Big sitting on his sofa - for him that's as much an achievement as someone else climbing Everest.

Think about what you can take from the story of Mr "Not So" Big:   

• perseverance is everything, 
• a change in thinking MUST be accompanied by a change in behaviour, 
• its never too late,
• remember to get out of your own way,
• life is really worth living
• don't be afraid to ask for help
• work on the causes of overweight and that will help take care of the weight
• 
  

What else can YOU think of that's a take-away from this inspiring story?  Put those little grey cells to work and get as much as you can out of this story.  Lets get some comments going to inspire each other.

And here's a nice picture of another Mr Big for your viewing pleasure (sorry, but I don't take my camera to client sessions!)

The Food Industry - how to beat it

I have a real aversion to salty foods - which makes it almost impossible to eat Maccas or anything processed.  I'll buy a packaged meal occasionally and find I really can't stand it. I conscientiously read the labels of tinned beans to check sodium levels.  And, interestingly, I discovered that Macro organic chickpeas have a whopping 660mg of sodium per 100g ( I wrote them a letter and they said it is under review). And the nearest in the "cheap and nasty" chickpea tins was 440mg.  (By the way, after plenty of research, I can state that the Aldi brand is quite low at 135mg).  The point of this all is that chickpeas don't actually NEED added sodium in the tin for any preservation purpose. There are some quite expensive imported tins at gourmet grocers that have no salt added and, guess what, they taste JUST like chickpeas.

Now my low salt preference reaches right back to early childhood - and I remember my mother being quite salt averse in her eating, too.  So perhaps its hereditary.  But I still have some friends, with sophisticated palates, who will salt their meals BEFORE they've even tasted it (yes, you know who you are).

The point being, just because its added to a food product, it isn't necessary for its shelf life or its mouth appeal.  Remember, you can always add salt, but its nigh on impossible to remove it.  The Food Industry, though, does like to keep us under its thumb.  The more fat, salt and sugar it adds to food, the more likely we are to have our brains stimulated by it.  They call it reaching the "bliss point".  If a food manufacturer can hit the "bliss point" with its product we are more likely to buy it again, thereby creating profit for shareholders.

The ever-useful website www.naturaltherapyforall.com has written about how to curb this intake and I re-post it below.  The reason being; who wants to have their tood preferences be controlled by a CORPORATION?  And excess fat, salt and sugar are implicated in a whole range of lifestyle diseases that are making us miserable and die younger than we need to. (My personal vision of dying is of having a freak extreme sports accident at 104 yrs old, by the way).

I must confess to being a bit sugar averse too, but very very very much in love with fat.  Make mine the roasted pork belly with pork belly on the side, please. (apologies for the delicious image)

p.s. found the medication interfering with taste aspect (see below) v. interesting.

10 Strategies to Curb Your Intake of Salt, Sugar and Fats

By Rebecca Lewis on August 14, 2013

Are you eating healthy? If you often eat at fast food chains, or if you love pre-packed meals, refined grains, ice creams and fizzy drinks, then you’re probably not. A lot of fast foods sold in convenient stores nowadays are loaded with sugar, saturated fats and sodium. Unfortunately, all of them could greatly harm your health.

Good thing, more and more people are becoming aware of the health hazards of sugar, unhealthy fats and salt. There’s no wonder why the sale of organic products has increased in the past few years. Furthermore, many restaurants and processed food manufacturers are now working with top chefs to be able to produce ‘healthier’ versions of the products that have earned a bad rap in the health industry. These include incorporating real, fresh, whole ingredients.

Still, it could take plenty of years before all those fast food restaurants could offer us something good but healthy. So it is still important that we, consumers, take the lead in the fight against these potentially harmful food additives. If you’re looking to cut back on your sugar, fat and salt intake, follow these tips:

Cook with herbs and spices. If you think only salt, fats and sugar can make a dish taste good, think again. There are a lot of natural food additives that bring out the rich flavour of any dish. Play with different herbs like cilantro, basil, turmeric, parsley, dried oregano, rosemary, or dill. These are the secrets of the best chefs in the world! You will be surprised of how a dash of any of these herbs and spices can make your dish delicious and of course, healthier!

Choose whole. White rice, white bread and white pasta may not taste that sweet but they are actually made from refined sugar. If you want to reduce your sugar intake, choose whole grains. Brown or red rice, oats, bran and the like are complex sugars that give you lasting energy and satiety.

Use healthy fats. Make use of extra virgin olive or coconut oil when cooking. If you’re making salad dressings or any dish that requires oil, consider using healthy fats from avocado. It doesn’t only enhance the flavour of food, but also gives it a creamy texture.

Experiment with sauces and seasonings. Have you ever tried using tobasco sauce in your homemade barbecue? How about balsamic vinegar for salads, dried mushroom for stir-fries, sundried tomatoes for whole-wheat pasta, or seaweeds for soups? Head to the nearest Asian store for some rich and flavourful additions that can make your usual dish extraordinary!

Have it fresh. Fresh bell peppers are more flavourful and aromatic than the canned ones. Freshly minced garlic is much better than commercially processed powdered garlic. As much as possible, prefer fresh ingredients as they still contain high levels of nutrients your body need, and the same time, possess natural sweetness.

Slowly cut back on salt, sugar and fats. If you’re used to eating sugary, salty and fatty foods, you’ll find it difficult to cut back drastically. A good strategy would be to slowly reduce your intake. For instance, if you’re used to adding a tablespoon of sugar in your coffee, tomorrow lower it down to one teaspoon. Once you developed tolerance for this amount, try to reduce it again until such time that you can drink a cup of coffee without having to add sugar. Do the same thing with salt and fatty ingredients.

Stay hydrated. If you are dehydrated and not producing enough saliva, you will not be able to fully savour and enjoy your food (saliva helps you determine taste and flavour), so your tendency is to adjust its taste by adding more sugar, salt, etc.  Make sure to get your 8-a-day of H2O.

Don’t smoke. Smoking also interferes with taste, making food less palatable. In one study, Greek scientists found that the tongues of smokers are flatter than that of non-smokers.

Check your meds. Most medications interfere with the body’s ability to taste and smell. You can adjust the taste of your food using natural spices.

Eat healthy. Nutritional deficiency can also interfere with your taste perception. According to a study published in the Journal of Dental Research, supplementing with the trace mineral zinc may actually enhance our sense of taste.

Our health is in our hands, so goes the old saying. By cooking and eating wisely, we can enjoy our food better without putting our health at risk! 

Happy eating!

©Copyright 2013 by http://www.naturaltherapyforall.com Hypnotherapy Cardiff All Rights Reserved .

I'M SO HUNGRY!

Do you feel hungry all the time?  There may be a variety of reasons for that.  Discounting the sort of hunger that is emotional in nature - if your stomach is rumbling all the time here is a list of possible causes.

Amy Taylor has identified twelve reasons that stomach hunger may persist.  I found this a very interesting read.  See if you can identify any causes of your own, excessive hunger. (By the way, www.naturaltherapyforall.com is a great source of good quality information)

Top 12 Reasons Why You Are Always Hungry

By Amy Taylor on November 12, 2013

You just ate your breakfast but you’re craving for something more. Our daily habits play a big role in our satiety levels. Here are 12 reasons why in some days, you tend to experience hunger pangs more frequently.

You didn’t have a good night sleep.

Lack of sleep has been widely linked to higher levels of ghrelin – the hormone that stimulates hunger, according to the German Universities Tubingen and Lubeck and Uppsala University in Sweden. Staying late also makes you more likely to snack on calorie-dense, high-carbohydrate foods. In this study, participants who only slept for 4 hours for two consecutive nights had reduced levels of leptin, a hormone that promotes a sense of fullness, and increased levels of ghrelin. This makes people in the graveyard shift or those who don’t get enough rest each night at a greater risk of obesity.

You camp out in front of the TV.

People who watch TV for more than two hours a day are more likely to become obese, according to the study by the USDA. It’s not that TV stimulates hunger. It’s the consumption of high-calorie snack foods like fizzy drinks, crisps and the like.

You drink too much.

A study published in the American Journal of Clinical Research rated alcohol consumption as a much bigger contributor to overeating than camping out in front of the television or staying up late at night. Scientists say that alcohol increases the amount of ghrelin in the body. Having a glass of wine or beer during dinner may also leave you feeling hungry, according to the researchers at Laval University in Canada. In their study, men who ate the high-fat appetizer while drinking alcohol ate more of their entrees and more of their dinners later that day than those who didn’t have a drink.

You eat a large meal for dinner.

There’s no precise explanation for this yet but most people who eat a heavy meal before bedtime experience feeling so much hungrier the next day. Scientists believe that this could be a result of the types of food we eat. For instance, overindulging in starches may cause dramatic changes in blood sugar that trick the brain into thinking you’re still not full, suggests a study reported in Healthy Living.

You’re near to your monthly period.

Published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders, research by psychologist Kelly Klump from the University of Michigan found that during the pre-menstrual phase, women were less satisfied with their bodies. Also, the level of progesterone in their body increases, which could lead to a reduction in appetite.

You take certain medications.

Many medications can stimulate appetite. According to Dr George Blackburn of the Harvard Medical School Division of Nutrition, the number of prescription drugs that have such a side effect has increased from one in 10 to one in four. The good thing is that after taking them, your appetite goes back to normal.

You don’t drink enough water.

Even just a mild dehydration can cause sluggishness and fatigue. And just like when you sleep-deprived, thirst can also stimulate hunger and make you want to choose calorie-dense foods. Experts suggest drinking a glass of cold water then waiting for a couple of minutes before reaching for a snack to identify if it’s really hunger or just thirst.

You’re too stressed.

When you’re stressed, your body is in the ‘fight or flight’ mode for a certain period of time, in which it releases higher levels of hormones cortisol and adrenaline that give you extra energy to face potential threats. But after, your body needs to refuel, increasing your appetite. Stress also activates a brain chemical called neuropeptide Y that can stimulate cravings for fat and sugar.

You’re bored.

When you are bored, your brain looks for something to increase your dopamine levels – the chemicals in the brain linked to improved mood and higher sense of well-being.  That’s why most people tend to reach for a bag of cookies or a can of fizzy drink when they are bored. So when boredom strikes, divert your attention by reading a book, calling your best friend, sketching, and so on.

Your news feed talks about food all the time.

Just looking at delicious images of food light up your brain’s reward system and trigger you to overeat, according to a study reported in the Journal of Neuroscience. What’s more, food porn also drives up the levels of the hormone ghrelin, found another study published in the journal Obesity.

You skip your breakfast or you don’t get a good one.

Your breakfast meal has a huge impact on your satiety levels for the entire day. According to a new study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, people who enjoy breakfasts high in protein are less likely to consume foods high in fat or sugar later in the evening.

You suffer from work burnout.

Research presented in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition revealed that women who felt burned out at work were more likely to report emotional or uncontrolled eating compared to those who were satisfied at their jobs.

Having a balanced diet does not only protect you from weight gain. It also lowers your risk of developing serious health problems.

©Copyright 2013 by http://www.naturaltherapyforall.com Counselling Hull All Rights Reserved

Emotional Eating - not the answer.

Sometimes its difficult for me to say the same thing in a different way, when it really does need to be said again.  So I have taken the liberty of posting Mike Jarosky's simple, funny and to the point description of why we emotionally eat and what to do instead.  He has done his homework.  Although I think he's being somewhat premature about Spring - have you seen the weather???

Let me know if this article resonates with you and send me one way that you try to avoid emotional eating.  Between us we should come up with a pretty good list.

The perils of emotional overeating

Michael Jarosky is a (former) chubby strategy consultant from the US. He now works as a personal trainer in Sydney CBD.

Spring has arrived and everybody is active, smiling, and getting outdoors. But what if you're hurting on the inside? We have break-ups to deal with. Work stress. Deaths in the family. Anxieties that stay with us from a young age. Sometimes in life, life wins.

When life is throwing a battle your way, what do you do? William Shakespeare once wrote, "To quinoa or tequila? That is the question" ... well, anyway ... when people experience emotional pain, the "go healthy or go partying" reflex is the fork in the road many face.

Do emotions get you eating and partying and putting on weight? For many, that answer is "yes". The next two questions are "Why do emotions drive us to drink and eat?" and "How can we deal with them?"

Why do we emotionally eat and drink?

My non-clinical mind understands that we overeat and drink to avoid the real issue that's bothering us. Our minds hurt, and we look for the speediest remedy that will take our mind and body to a different place … drugs, alcohol, or heaps of tasty food that will quickly trigger happiness.

I asked the professionals, and here's what they said:

David Godden (Director, Byron Bay Addiction and Trauma Centre): "Today we have a culture of avoiding whatever we want and we have so many ways of doing it - playing with gadgets, getting deep into work, or watching endless hours of TV. We drink and overeat when we have strong emotions because we have never been taught how to deal with them."

Psychologist Jocelyn Brewer: "You do it because it feels good; it helps alleviate the immediate pain, and there is a little part of you that thinks 'let's see what happens when I make some different/less grown-up choices'. Humans are great at over-discounting future events - things done in the moment have greater gravitas than the long-term outcome. Immediate pain can be anesthetised by booze and delicious treats, but the spin-offs can create more angst."

Psychotherapist Nick Terrone said: "People only act in accordance to their hierarchy of values. Regarding a break-up, if you perceive the individual has been supporting your values, you'll be 'down'. If you perceived them in opposition to, or holding you back from the fulfillment of your values, you'll celebrate the break-up."

How can we deal with emotional eating and drinking pains?

Most of us know why we do it, but dealing with it is a tougher beast. Dr Glen Hosking says: "It's important to accept that emotional pain is an inevitable part of life. Whilst unpleasant, avoiding the pain through drinking or overeating only intensifies it in the longer term. A more helpful approach is to accept the unpleasant, remind yourself that it is an acceptable reaction to the situation, and ride it out. By doing this, it will usually pass. If it doesn't, seek professional help."

Break-ups, abuse, boredom, work and family stress … they all can trigger emotional eating and drinking. I've had my own events in life, and sometimes that "to quinoa or tequila" decision is a tough one. Ultimately, I try my hardest to do what's best for my mind and body.

Whatever the problem is, we all know eating a whole cake won't fix it. Drinking umpteen beers won't fix it. We must remember to feed our bodies, not our feelings. So, let's all get back to the running and Tassie salmon … all while keeping an eye on those emotions that sometimes like to dance with the food and booze devils. Tequila ain't the cure for a lump in the throat.

Dealing with clients on a personal level has given me my own psychological theory, which echoes the professionals from above: "The mind is like a waterfall; fit or overweight, whatever is affecting the mind will flow straight down to the rest of the body." Therefore, everybody should monitor their own emotional wellbeing, as that "healthy mind equals healthy body" equation is a gentle one.

If you're feeling down, just remember what feels good. Go for a run. Go for a hike. Go for a swim. Do something that makes you laugh, smile, and be happy. Keep it positive, fun, and healthy. It's easier said than done, I know … but that's the challenge we all face, men and women alike.

Life events can knock us all back a step or two … and sometimes down. We all just have to find a way to be strong, stand up, and put a healthy spring into our step in spring, summer and beyond.

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/executive-style/fitness/blogs/boot-camp/the-perils-of-emotional-overeating-20130910-2tgus.html#ixzz2kOrqXj5O

I like my body - is this person an alien from another planet???

Yumi Sykes - not an unattractive person (who has a lot of help from television station make up artists before we see her) has "come out" in favour of her body.  She has had more than one child, has some grey hair, and is ACCEPTING of her appearance.  OMG what the hell is wrong with her - we might ask ourselves.  Those of us who find fault with the minutest detail of our body (damn, my elbows are SHIT! comes to mind). Not Yumi.  She's kind of OK with her body.  She ACCEPTS it.

What does that feel like?  What does it mean? well - the question is WHY THE HELL DON'T WE KNOW?  Read this article and think of how distant it might be from your perceptions of your own body and the things you tell yourself about how you appear and who you are.

Yumi Stynes: 'I feel like apologising for not hating my body'

Date

November 10, 2013

Our columnist knows her body isn't "model perfect" – but she likes it just as it is.

"Giving birth for the first time was when I lost my vanity" … Yumi Stynes. Photo: Damian Bennett

I feel like apologising for not hating my body. How stupid is that?! How many women do you know who irrationally detest some part of their physical selves? Five? Fifty? Or maybe every single woman you know?

In our interminable internal monologues, we criticise and berate our too-big arses or flabby tummies as though their very existence shames us. These physical flaws throw into question our intelligence, our maturity, our self-control, because if we had the business of living sorted, if we were actually "professional", we surely wouldn't allow ourselves to have thick thighs!

The other day I was out for lunch with friends and one of them grabbed the spare tyre of chub around her waist and said, "I can't go for a job interview while I'm carrying this gear around!" The other ladies laughed and nodded: this is nothing unusual. Another said, "There's no way I can wear that: big-boned girls look stupid in stripes." Lunch concluded with desserts skipped – by those who didn't deserve it – and goodbyes were shouted among cheerful recriminations over the quantity of beverages and kilojoules consumed.

It never ends. And it starts so early. I knew a girl who couldn't complete her hairdressing apprenticeship because she was so crippled with self-consciousness about how her bottom looked, and all those mirrors gave her nowhere to hide! And what about the girl from my high school who believed she couldn't date until she got her nose done?

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The question is: why are our inner voices such bitches? If someone we knew spoke to us with such judgment and meanness, we'd cut them out of our lives! It's a whole heap of baloney and I'm glad to say I've let it go. I would like to admit here that – deep breath – I quite like my body.

Now let me qualify: it helps to think of your body as a posh car. It can be the most brilliant thing in the world when the engine is humming and the chrome is polished. But it is god-awful when that car is stalled at the lights, the bonnet is up and you're asking strangers for a push. That is an embarrassment. So it's my job to keep up the maintenance of said car. I'm not kidding myself, I know my car is a daggy Prius but – hey – it drives great!

I take care of myself. I eat well, I exercise even when I don't feel like it. And my body does its job. I'm thankful for its healthfulness. I have strong bones, good skin and almost never get sick. And I know that even if I lined myself up against Miranda Kerr and could clearly see that her hair is shinier, her breasts are bigger, her smile more dazzling, I don't mind! I do not mind! Her job is to be more wonderful than the rest of us. My job is to be happy with what I've got and get on with it.

Giving birth for the first time was when I lost my vanity. The birth went okay (aside from the blood and screaming and pain and begging for mercy). The baby came out healthy and I survived the experience, walking out of hospital carrying my own bags two days later.

What changed was that I decided to give my body a break. It had made a baby. It fed the baby. The dehumanising hospital appointments, invasive examinations and the primal experience of actually pushing a baby out made me realise I'm nothing special. I'm just a person – almost an animal! And my body is my body. I'll take the best care of it I can and respect it for what it gives back.

That first daughter turned 11 this year. She is like her dad – tall, skinny and burning energy at a furious metabolic rate. It makes me laugh to see her going through growth spurts. Every few months, for about three days, she eats with the appetite and table manners of an insatiable wild thing. She devours everything in her path. At mealtime the chop bones of the entire family are gnawed for any remaining threads of fat and protein, leftovers are scavenged from plates, litres of milk are guzzled, and before my eyes I see her grow another inch taller. By next year she'll have to look down to meet my eye.

Amid all this I sometimes see her – this beautiful, elegant, willowy young girl – criticise herself, find some fault in her physical appearance, and more and more I think about how important it is that I set the right example for her.

So, Kid, this is me. I'm your mum and I like myself just the way I am.

But those voices can be so loud. If she compares herself to supermodels and pop singers, how do I drown those voices out? If my adult friends haven't managed to silence the self-talk, how will she? With so much pressure to push our bodies closer to "normal" or some idea of "perfect", will I someday have to explain to her why I choose not to dye the grey out of my hair? "Because I can't be bothered. And I don't care that it's a bit grey. I think it looks fine."

Will I someday have to explain why I didn't get around to using Botox? "Because wrinkles are okay. And also: Joan Rivers." And will I one day have to explain why I never bought myself a new set of boobs? "Someone has to have little ones to put all the big ones in perspective!"