Emotional Eating - not the answer.

Sometimes its difficult for me to say the same thing in a different way, when it really does need to be said again.  So I have taken the liberty of posting Mike Jarosky's simple, funny and to the point description of why we emotionally eat and what to do instead.  He has done his homework.  Although I think he's being somewhat premature about Spring - have you seen the weather???

Let me know if this article resonates with you and send me one way that you try to avoid emotional eating.  Between us we should come up with a pretty good list.

The perils of emotional overeating

Michael Jarosky is a (former) chubby strategy consultant from the US. He now works as a personal trainer in Sydney CBD.

Spring has arrived and everybody is active, smiling, and getting outdoors. But what if you're hurting on the inside? We have break-ups to deal with. Work stress. Deaths in the family. Anxieties that stay with us from a young age. Sometimes in life, life wins.

When life is throwing a battle your way, what do you do? William Shakespeare once wrote, "To quinoa or tequila? That is the question" ... well, anyway ... when people experience emotional pain, the "go healthy or go partying" reflex is the fork in the road many face.

Do emotions get you eating and partying and putting on weight? For many, that answer is "yes". The next two questions are "Why do emotions drive us to drink and eat?" and "How can we deal with them?"

Why do we emotionally eat and drink?

My non-clinical mind understands that we overeat and drink to avoid the real issue that's bothering us. Our minds hurt, and we look for the speediest remedy that will take our mind and body to a different place … drugs, alcohol, or heaps of tasty food that will quickly trigger happiness.

I asked the professionals, and here's what they said:

David Godden (Director, Byron Bay Addiction and Trauma Centre): "Today we have a culture of avoiding whatever we want and we have so many ways of doing it - playing with gadgets, getting deep into work, or watching endless hours of TV. We drink and overeat when we have strong emotions because we have never been taught how to deal with them."

Psychologist Jocelyn Brewer: "You do it because it feels good; it helps alleviate the immediate pain, and there is a little part of you that thinks 'let's see what happens when I make some different/less grown-up choices'. Humans are great at over-discounting future events - things done in the moment have greater gravitas than the long-term outcome. Immediate pain can be anesthetised by booze and delicious treats, but the spin-offs can create more angst."

Psychotherapist Nick Terrone said: "People only act in accordance to their hierarchy of values. Regarding a break-up, if you perceive the individual has been supporting your values, you'll be 'down'. If you perceived them in opposition to, or holding you back from the fulfillment of your values, you'll celebrate the break-up."

How can we deal with emotional eating and drinking pains?

Most of us know why we do it, but dealing with it is a tougher beast. Dr Glen Hosking says: "It's important to accept that emotional pain is an inevitable part of life. Whilst unpleasant, avoiding the pain through drinking or overeating only intensifies it in the longer term. A more helpful approach is to accept the unpleasant, remind yourself that it is an acceptable reaction to the situation, and ride it out. By doing this, it will usually pass. If it doesn't, seek professional help."

Break-ups, abuse, boredom, work and family stress … they all can trigger emotional eating and drinking. I've had my own events in life, and sometimes that "to quinoa or tequila" decision is a tough one. Ultimately, I try my hardest to do what's best for my mind and body.

Whatever the problem is, we all know eating a whole cake won't fix it. Drinking umpteen beers won't fix it. We must remember to feed our bodies, not our feelings. So, let's all get back to the running and Tassie salmon … all while keeping an eye on those emotions that sometimes like to dance with the food and booze devils. Tequila ain't the cure for a lump in the throat.

Dealing with clients on a personal level has given me my own psychological theory, which echoes the professionals from above: "The mind is like a waterfall; fit or overweight, whatever is affecting the mind will flow straight down to the rest of the body." Therefore, everybody should monitor their own emotional wellbeing, as that "healthy mind equals healthy body" equation is a gentle one.

If you're feeling down, just remember what feels good. Go for a run. Go for a hike. Go for a swim. Do something that makes you laugh, smile, and be happy. Keep it positive, fun, and healthy. It's easier said than done, I know … but that's the challenge we all face, men and women alike.

Life events can knock us all back a step or two … and sometimes down. We all just have to find a way to be strong, stand up, and put a healthy spring into our step in spring, summer and beyond.

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/executive-style/fitness/blogs/boot-camp/the-perils-of-emotional-overeating-20130910-2tgus.html#ixzz2kOrqXj5O

I like my body - is this person an alien from another planet???

Yumi Sykes - not an unattractive person (who has a lot of help from television station make up artists before we see her) has "come out" in favour of her body.  She has had more than one child, has some grey hair, and is ACCEPTING of her appearance.  OMG what the hell is wrong with her - we might ask ourselves.  Those of us who find fault with the minutest detail of our body (damn, my elbows are SHIT! comes to mind). Not Yumi.  She's kind of OK with her body.  She ACCEPTS it.

What does that feel like?  What does it mean? well - the question is WHY THE HELL DON'T WE KNOW?  Read this article and think of how distant it might be from your perceptions of your own body and the things you tell yourself about how you appear and who you are.

Yumi Stynes: 'I feel like apologising for not hating my body'

Date

November 10, 2013

Our columnist knows her body isn't "model perfect" – but she likes it just as it is.

"Giving birth for the first time was when I lost my vanity" … Yumi Stynes. Photo: Damian Bennett

I feel like apologising for not hating my body. How stupid is that?! How many women do you know who irrationally detest some part of their physical selves? Five? Fifty? Or maybe every single woman you know?

In our interminable internal monologues, we criticise and berate our too-big arses or flabby tummies as though their very existence shames us. These physical flaws throw into question our intelligence, our maturity, our self-control, because if we had the business of living sorted, if we were actually "professional", we surely wouldn't allow ourselves to have thick thighs!

The other day I was out for lunch with friends and one of them grabbed the spare tyre of chub around her waist and said, "I can't go for a job interview while I'm carrying this gear around!" The other ladies laughed and nodded: this is nothing unusual. Another said, "There's no way I can wear that: big-boned girls look stupid in stripes." Lunch concluded with desserts skipped – by those who didn't deserve it – and goodbyes were shouted among cheerful recriminations over the quantity of beverages and kilojoules consumed.

It never ends. And it starts so early. I knew a girl who couldn't complete her hairdressing apprenticeship because she was so crippled with self-consciousness about how her bottom looked, and all those mirrors gave her nowhere to hide! And what about the girl from my high school who believed she couldn't date until she got her nose done?

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The question is: why are our inner voices such bitches? If someone we knew spoke to us with such judgment and meanness, we'd cut them out of our lives! It's a whole heap of baloney and I'm glad to say I've let it go. I would like to admit here that – deep breath – I quite like my body.

Now let me qualify: it helps to think of your body as a posh car. It can be the most brilliant thing in the world when the engine is humming and the chrome is polished. But it is god-awful when that car is stalled at the lights, the bonnet is up and you're asking strangers for a push. That is an embarrassment. So it's my job to keep up the maintenance of said car. I'm not kidding myself, I know my car is a daggy Prius but – hey – it drives great!

I take care of myself. I eat well, I exercise even when I don't feel like it. And my body does its job. I'm thankful for its healthfulness. I have strong bones, good skin and almost never get sick. And I know that even if I lined myself up against Miranda Kerr and could clearly see that her hair is shinier, her breasts are bigger, her smile more dazzling, I don't mind! I do not mind! Her job is to be more wonderful than the rest of us. My job is to be happy with what I've got and get on with it.

Giving birth for the first time was when I lost my vanity. The birth went okay (aside from the blood and screaming and pain and begging for mercy). The baby came out healthy and I survived the experience, walking out of hospital carrying my own bags two days later.

What changed was that I decided to give my body a break. It had made a baby. It fed the baby. The dehumanising hospital appointments, invasive examinations and the primal experience of actually pushing a baby out made me realise I'm nothing special. I'm just a person – almost an animal! And my body is my body. I'll take the best care of it I can and respect it for what it gives back.

That first daughter turned 11 this year. She is like her dad – tall, skinny and burning energy at a furious metabolic rate. It makes me laugh to see her going through growth spurts. Every few months, for about three days, she eats with the appetite and table manners of an insatiable wild thing. She devours everything in her path. At mealtime the chop bones of the entire family are gnawed for any remaining threads of fat and protein, leftovers are scavenged from plates, litres of milk are guzzled, and before my eyes I see her grow another inch taller. By next year she'll have to look down to meet my eye.

Amid all this I sometimes see her – this beautiful, elegant, willowy young girl – criticise herself, find some fault in her physical appearance, and more and more I think about how important it is that I set the right example for her.

So, Kid, this is me. I'm your mum and I like myself just the way I am.

But those voices can be so loud. If she compares herself to supermodels and pop singers, how do I drown those voices out? If my adult friends haven't managed to silence the self-talk, how will she? With so much pressure to push our bodies closer to "normal" or some idea of "perfect", will I someday have to explain to her why I choose not to dye the grey out of my hair? "Because I can't be bothered. And I don't care that it's a bit grey. I think it looks fine."

Will I someday have to explain why I didn't get around to using Botox? "Because wrinkles are okay. And also: Joan Rivers." And will I one day have to explain why I never bought myself a new set of boobs? "Someone has to have little ones to put all the big ones in perspective!"

The Whole World is Photoshopped

One of these days I'm going to have a portrait taken.  Then I'm going to get the photographer to:

1. make my neck longer
2. make my cheeks less chubby
3. make my hair more lustrous
4. remove my jowls
5. "unpuff" my eyes
6. give me more defined eyebrows
7. remove the wrinkles on my brow
8. whiten my teeth
9. shorten my two front teeth
10. hide the grey regrowth in my hair

And what will this give me?  A totally false image of what I could look like if I just dieted, exercised, had plastic surgery, spent hours every day applying specialised make-up, oh, and lost about 20 years.  But I might look upon it as an aspirational portrait too, if I just applied myself enough.  And what I am saying is, that, basically that's what the media do to us.  If you don't believe me, just look below

This photoshop disaster was actually published.  Look at that ridiculous waist: - no human being looks like this.  It was actually a landmark oops in the world of publishing, but the truth is not too far away.  As I said in my e-course (yes, I know, it'll be finished soon) "even Jennifer Aniston doesn't look like Jennifer Aniston".  

What came across my laptop screen today reminded me strongly of a Dove commercial where they illustrate what happens to a photo once it's taken.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHqzlxGGJFo  And the tagline is "no wonder our vision of beauty is distorted".

The new video is equally compelling.  http://www.dailylife.com.au/dl-people/the-reason-why-we-have-ridiculous-beauty-standards-20131031-2wi7r.html Effie Mann writes about the unrealistic, unattainable, goals that come from seeing ordinary people look extraordinary with the help of a computer application.  No wonder toddlers are going on diets.  No wonder adolescents are anorexic.  No wonder teenagers are bulimic.  And no wonder the rest of us are always disappointed when we look in the mirror.  Time to STOP THIS MADNESS.  We are not just our appearance.  We are far more complex and ever-changing than our appearances represent.  Remember "you can't judge a book by its cover" - meaning  that when you have only seen the surface of something, you cannot know what is on the inside.

You are the boss of your inner critic - not vice versa.

Don't you just HATE it?  That nasty voice inside us that tells us we're fat, stupid, ugly, old, moronic, a waste of space, worthless and a complete failure and loser.  I'm sure there are some insults I've forgotten.  This critical voice is supposed to spur us on to be better and yet it does pretty much exactly the opposite.  If you have too many Tim Tams - it'll tell you you've ruined your healthy eating program and you'll never lose weight and you'll die lonely and alone with 27 cats gnawing at your remains (no really this kind of vitriol does exist inside people's heads).

Its time we took charge again and not allow this nasty voice to be in charge.

Natural Therapy for All (great blog!)  have published a four step plan to help you manage that voice that calls us such terrible names and sabotages our successes and dreams.  Have a read

Deny it or not – sometimes, we are our worst critics.  When making decisions, pursuing a new career, or taking risks, we often struggle with the inner critic inside us, someone who always reminds us that disappointment, frustration and failure are just around the corner – ready to conquer us. It is the voice that only ourselves can hear, but is so powerful that it can prevent us from reaching our goals and living life to the fullest.

The sad truth is that we have no power to shut down our inner critic. It is part of who we are. Actually, it is a necessary part. Imagine this. You have to cross the street. Without your inner critic warning you of possible dangers, you might cross without paying attention to the speedy cars passing by, as well as the road signs or stop lights. Yes, our inner critic helps us stay away from danger, and in other cases, from being hurt, failing, and so on.

But in life, there are decisions and risks that we have to push through in order to reach our goals. Like for instance, in getting to know a potential mate. Your inner critic might tell you not to entertain that person in your life as you may just get hurt, betrayed, or dumped later. But what if it’s the other way around? What if that person is the one who is going to complete you, to make you happy, and to make you a better person? You’ll never know until you try. This applies to all other aspects of life – career, health, family, etc.

The good news is that you have the power to take control of your inner critic and use it to your advantage. The question is how? The key to managing your inner critic is to develop a balanced relationship with it. You can do this by following these steps:

1)      Understand what your inner voice is trying to tell you. The negative voice inside you is not your enemy. It is just trying to help you (although many times it ends up ruining your plans and decisions). It may have useful points as well. You just have to listen. Assess if what your inner critic saying is true, logical and important and try to consider it if yes. But remember that at the end of the day, it is your logical, smart and optimistic self who will decide.

2)      Recognise the events or situations that often trigger your inner critic. It might be there whenever you are asked to speak in front of many people, when you are assigned to handle a big project, and so on. Often, our inner critic arises from the failures we have experienced in the past. Maybe you just need to work on these areas so the next time you encounter them, you are more confident.

3)      Develop optimism. You inner critic is more powerful when you are pessimistic. Instead of getting carried away with those criticisms, tell your critic self that you understand that he or she is just trying to protect you, but you have to push through with something to reach your goals.

4)      Act in spite of your inner critic. Keep your inner critic close by, but not too close that it’s already able to dictate you of what to do. As soon as your inner critic starts ranting, ask yourself – Is it helping me or hurting me?  This critical person is just a small part of you. You are much wiser than your inner critic to understand his or her real motives. The moment you identify that your inner critic is just overreacting, go and pursue with your plans.

Whilst your inner critic can be helpful at times, never allow it to rule your life and be bullied by it. Again, it is just a part of you, not a whole. Don’t let it get in the way and stop you from developing and becoming the person you want to be.

©Copyright 2013 by http://www.naturaltherapyforall.com 

Gratitude is the right attitude

I have a major gratitude: I'm alive.  That's a really good "status" to focus on rather than on the fact that we ate too many pieces of chocolate last night or that we're 20, 50 or 100 kg overweight.  We so often focus on what we don't have rather than what we do.

But studies show that happiness is linked to an "attitude of gratitude".  If we write down at least three things each day that we are grateful for, we will be more happy.

This works for life in general, but why not apply it to eating, weight and emotions?

What three things can you be grateful for each day?

How about:

1.  I could have eaten a whole packet of Tim Tams but I stopped at five.  I'm grateful I stopped and thought about what I was doing.

2.  I said "no" to that second slice of cake at the office birthday celebration. I'm grateful that I was kind to myself and my health in that situation

3.  I was nice to myself when I looked in the mirror this morning - I didn't call myself fatso. I was just grateful that my legs and arms worked.

I'm sure you can find some things you can be grateful for each day in this area.  And who knows - perhaps gratitude leads to an improved attitude.  And perhaps an improved attitude leads to improved self care.  And perhaps improved self-care leads to increased health and well-being.  Why not take that journey and find out for yourself??

Natural Therapy for All have written about how important gratitude is in our lives.  Check out their link below.

http://blog.naturaltherapyforall.com/2013/09/23/what-gratitude-does-to-your-health/

And I hope you enjoy the cartoon.  I think it says a lot.

When we "supersize" in the fast food place, that's exactly what happens. (think about it)

We love to get a bargain don't we?  But what sort of bargain is it to buy food that we don't need, then consume it because we don't want to waste the money.  This is perceived value, and has nothing to do with need.  Its a marketing ploy from a food industry that wants you to become addicted to their food and they employ sophisticated psychological and scientific techniques to lure you in.

That combination of fat, salt and sugar that hits the dopamine receptors in the brain (or the "bliss point" as the food industry calls it) is done on purpose.  That's why there's sugar in hamburger buns - so that the industry can get the "holy trinity" in the so-called "Happy" Meal.

But is that meal really making you happy? For longer than five minutes?  Or is it just making you more miserable with your increasing weight and what you perceive as your lack of control?

Step away from the Unhappy Meal and be kinder to yourself.  More is not necessarily better.  Think quality not quantity. Don't let a corporation dictate your health and well-being to you. Take back the responsibility that you ceded to "big food" out of ignorance, convenience or whatever reason.  A corporation does not have its customers' interests as a priority - the shareholders come first.  

Fat Shaming Week - can you believe it!?

Such a great idea (not) and women are responding to it with both wit and anger.

http://www.takepart.com/article/2013/10/12/womens-rights-fat-shaming-week?cmpid=tpnews-eml-2013-10-18-FatShaming


Here's what Naomi Wolf has to say:

What do you have to say?